By mourning, we react to the loss and death of a loved one, which is undoubtedly the most painful loss. Our ancestors were wise, they did not push death beyond the walls of the hospital, but its acceptance was part of everyday life. They lived together, surrounded by a wider family or community, and gave their rituals a safe framework for parting. We can also lose home, a beloved animal, health or social status. These are all crises, and also a natural part of life. If we learn to say goodbye, then we can also welcome and look forward to everything that comes to our life afterwards.
Mourning is a person’s reaction to loss. Emotionally, we experience it as melancholy, which manifests itself on various levels from sadness to grief or despair. Our minds, on the other hand, find themselves in chaos and confusion. Memories of a lost object appear intensely. Some ventilate their loss by crying, others retreat into seclusion, with the exception of manifestations of aggression. Mourning may be accompanied by sleep disorders, a change in appetite, or a temporary escape with the use of alcohol or inflamed spirituality (in an effort to find an explanation). Everyone experiences mourning very differentlyy, what unites us is that it will paralyze our lives for a while and affect us in terms of experience, behavior and thinking.
Often, people that are mourning are helped by knowing that mourning has its laws. It takes place in phases, it has its beginning and an end. It thus offers the hope that if we go through the crisis without denying it, it will end one day and we can enter a new phase of life as more mature and conscious personalities. Mourning is most often described in the sequence of the following phases: denial (this cannot be true.), Anger (how could this happen? Who is to blame?), Bargaining (maybe they were wrong, there is no further examination.), Depression (nothing anymore has value.), andreconciliation (I accept whatever comes.).
The most significant loss in our lives is the death of a loved one, this is an irreversible loss. Dealing with it does not mean forgetting it, but processing it and allowing yourself to experience a happy future. If at all possible, use the support of your family, loved ones and friends. There is also psychotherapy or crisis intervention to help you experience the often very intense onslaught of emotions. Today often neglected rituals can be helpful as well. Saying goodbye to a loved on can positively help reconciliation.
Death is a difficult topic for many reasons, especially with someone who has just been struck in life, it can paralyze us. We look for suitable words, we try to calm down, sometimes at any cost. However, comforting with well-meaning advice often doesn’t help much. It turns out that you will provide much more support to the mourner if you are just close or ready to listen. But it’s not even just that, being an emotional vampire is difficult in itself. In addition, the subject of death can open up our own fears and traumas. Often even loved ones close to grieving people need space for themselves. Psychotherapy offers such a space, allowing you to face your own questions in a safe environment and get the necessary support for yourself.
Grief belongs to the loss of a loved one. At first, it may seem like it will last forever and never end. It’s intensity can stabilize and increase at different points in the year (e.g., Christmas, anniversaries, or birthdays). Mourning can take a year, or but even four. It is said that the time of mourning depends on the intensity of the relationship we had with the deceased. If you feel that you are still unable to return to life after a long period of time, it may be a good idea to talk to an expert. Theey will not only listen to you, but also help you to “indulge” in what you may have pushed away in fear of pain.
Psychotherapy is a space where you can resolve emotions that you would not otherwise have a chance to resolve in everyday life, such as intense longing for the deceased, anger at the whole world or self-pity. You will not be alone in any of this. It can also bring relief by working on the way we communicate with friends or colleagues about our loss when it comes up. This can also be a source of stress for the mourner. The goal should be to accept what happened and return to a happy life.
“I started attending therapy after the death of my daughter. It was unbearable. I wanted to take my life and go after her. I survived only thanks to antidepressants, which covered the paralyzing pain and emptiness. I could tell the therapist everything without fearing that I would bother her. Even though it took a long time, she helped me cope with everything, take the blame away and give my life meaning again.”