Suicidal thoughts: a compass for the way out

If you're having suicidal thoughts

Even if you're experiencing intense pain right now that seems unbearable, there is always a way out. You can learn how to manage suicidal thoughts and overcome the pain. However, it's important to tell someone and not go through it alone. There are always people who are willing to help you.

What to do now if it's an emergency

If you've hurt yourself or are thinking about it right now, don't wait and call emergency. Or go to the person closest to you and ask them to call for you.

It doesn't mean you're weak. You're just going through more pain than you can handle right now. It won't be like this forever. Your emotions are constantly changing. You may feel different again in a week. It's in your hands, you just need the help of someone experienced to guide you on your way out.

Don’t be alone

When you’re feeling down, don’t be alone. If someone is home with you, go and tell them that you’re not feeling well. If you’re alone, call someone close to you. You don’t have to say right away that you’re having suicidal thoughts.

For example, try saying:

• I’m not feeling well, can we talk for a moment?
• I’m not feeling well, can you come and see me?
• I’m not feeling well, can we be together for a moment?

Ensure your safety

• Put away anything that could hurt you.
• Move to the safest place possible.
• Focus on surviving the next five minutes. Doing activities minute by minute can be more bearable. The worst thoughts will pass within half an hour.
• Release your emotions through movement. Turn on loud music and dance/jump, stomp your feet, pound your fists on your pillow, tear up papers. Cleaning can also help.
• Avoid alcohol and any drugs.

Take control of your thoughts

• Write down a few things you are looking forward to. It could be a favorite meal, meeting someone close to you, or watching a favorite movie.
• Schedule some of these things for tomorrow, and add a few more things you will do tomorrow.
• Think about the people who love you. They will miss you.
• Remind yourself that you can overcome these feelings. There are many people who have been through similar things and are now happy that they have overcome them.
• Accept the fact that your thoughts are a result of your health problems and have distorted your perception. That is why you do not see a way out right now. But it is there and it is within reach. All you have to do is ask for help.

Don't keep it to yourself

We know you feel alone right now. You've probably been so consumed by negative emotions that you've closed yourself off and limited contact with those around you. No one would understand you.

It's true that understanding what you're going through isn't easy for others. But that doesn't mean they don't want to or can't help you. The act of sharing can ease the pain.

Suicidal thoughts are most often the result of deep depression that can be treated. Even if something has happened in your life that you can't cope with right now, there is a way to overcome it and move on. According to Eurostat, there were 49,042 deaths by suicide across the EU in 2022 – a slight increase compared to the previous year, with a standardised rate of 10.6 deaths per 100,000 people

If you are concerned about someone

Do you feel that someone close to you might harm themselves? You may be hesitant to open up about such a deep topic. What if you are wrong and your questions encourage the worst?

It is natural to not know how to react. But speaking up is always better than staying silent. Trust your intuition and take warning signs seriously. You don’t have to worry that your questions will prompt action. Don’t even think about upsetting your loved one right now. If you sense that something is wrong, your concern can only help. Safety always comes first.

Some people talk about suicidal thoughts, but sometimes the warning signs of suicide can be less recognizable. For example:

• talks about despair and loss of interest in life
• doesn't care about things as much as they used to
• isolates from others
• is preoccupied with death and the possibility of dying
• doesn't take care of themselves
• says they are a burden to others
• gets rid of possessions
• suddenly overeats or starves
• has trouble sleeping

How to bring up the topic? Ask questions

It is quite possible that your loved one wants help, but is afraid to ask for it. They are afraid of the reaction of those around them. They need someone outside to open up to them and show them that they do not have to fight their thoughts alone.

Find a suitable situation where you are alone in a safe place and ask questions.

First, find out how they are feeling:

• I can see that you are going through a difficult time. How are you feeling right now?
• How are you coping with what is happening to you right now?

Then ask direct questions:

• Do you ever feel like giving up on everything?
• Do you ever think about harming yourself?
• Do you ever think about what it would be like to take your own life?
• Have you ever thought about how you would do it?

The last question is important because if they already have a plan, you need to be alert and seek help as soon as possible. If you feel that your loved one is in imminent danger of harming themselves, do not leave them alone and call the local crisis helpline.

If someone confides in you about their suicidal thoughts, the most important thing is to remain calm and not show your dismay. Take it seriously, listen and be supportive. Find out if the threat is imminent.

Be supportive

Although they are not in immediate danger, suicidal thoughts are a result of serious issues that need to be addressed.

What to do?

• Encourage them to seek help and offer support – help them find professional help. A person with severe depression or grief may not have the will or energy to deal with it on their own. You can contact a crisis center, see a psychiatrist or a general practitioner, who will advise you on what to do next.
• Don’t try to minimize the problem – this can make them feel that their feelings are not important or serious. Avoid saying things like “You have everything you could ever want” or “What would others give to be like you” and “It will pass”.
• Be supportive and listen – instead of asking questions like “What are you worried about?” or “How can I help you now?”
• Make sure it gets better – a person contemplating suicide doesn’t see any way out of their suffering. So reassure them that there is, they just don’t see it now. Just seek professional help and start treatment.
• Never promise not to tell anyone about their suicidal thoughts – they would consider it a betrayal if you had to do it in the end.
• Try to prevent them from accessing alcohol, drugs and any objects that could harm themselves.

Last but not least, seek help for yourself. It’s great that you’re trying to help, but also think about your own mental health. You’ll discuss the whole situation with a therapist, they’ll advise you on what else you can do, and most importantly, how to cope with it all. Maybe your own experience with counseling will make your loved one seek professional help.