How to make friends in adulthood? Practical advice

Through friendship to strong health

Need a little motivation first? According to the data, friendship affects our physical health and longevity. Scientists have linked it to lower heart pressure, inflammation or diabetes. Friendship is even a key factor in feeling happy, according to a long-term Harvard study. Family is extremely important, but it’s not good to fixate on it alone.

It’s perfectly normal for friendships to fall apart after the age of 25. We start families, build careers and have less and less free time. It doesn’t mean you’re “weird” at all, and you certainly don’t need to beat yourself up. On average, adults have 3-5 close friends. As introverts, you may have fewer. If it makes you feel good, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you’re feeling lonely, it’s time to move on to new friendships. We’ll show you how.

7 practical tips on where to find friends

Do you feel like you keep meeting the same people? Try going to some of these places:

• Work – sure, you go to work all the time. But do you know people outside your immediate team? There might be a lot of people sitting upstairs. Have fun at work events or even in the kitchen with people you don’t know yet.
• Courses and workshops – brush up on your English, sign up for dance, painting, cooking classes. You’re sure to find something you’d like to improve. Especially on longer courses you will have the opportunity to really get to know each other.
• Volunteering – there are so many possibilities! You can work with children, take care of abandoned animals or help out in nature. But you can also offer to help an organisation in your field. You’ll be part of a team in no time.
• Group sports and recreational activities – through Facebook groups, you’re sure to find a group of people who go volleyball together, hike in the mountains on the weekends, or work out in an outdoor gym. There are plenty of people looking for a sports partner.
• Work networking – look for an interesting work event or sign up for group mentoring.
• Get a dog or a cat – only if you really want one. You’ll meet lots of interesting people at the trainers and shows.
• What about dusting off old friendships? – Maybe you had a great friend at school, but after graduation or university, new responsibilities came along and your paths slowly diverged. If you’re interested in a friendship, try writing to him and asking him out for coffee. There’s nothing to it.

Just go among the people and be patient

You don’t have to let everyone you approach into your life right away. But the more people you meet, the more likely you are to really click with someone. Plus, you can meet people in completely unexpected situations. So don’t be afraid to say yes even to invitations that don’t make you jump for joy. You never know who you’ll bump into.

Keep in mind that it takes time to build deeper friendships. Scientists have calculated that it takes about 164 hours of time together to make a friend.

How to better influence people to want to talk to you?

You already know where to go to meet new people. But maybe you feel like no one really wants to talk to you. Because sometimes we unconsciously send signals that make us seem unapproachable. First impressions are important.

It’s not about changing at all, but sticking to a few psychological tips that will make people feel comfortable in your company.

• First of all, it is important to smile. A banal thing, but we often forget it and unconsciously frown.
• Do not cross your arms, but rather show your palms. Especially when talking. You’ll appear open and honest.
• When you talk to someone, look them straight in the eye. You can even lean forward slightly to show that you are really listening.

For non-verbal communication, that’ll do**. Now let’s look at how to strike up a conversation to keep it going for more than a few sentences:**

• Starting right away with your introduction or the obligatory “How are you?” is not the best start. Try it casually on topic. For example, „Did you understand the assignment? I missed it somehow.” Then you can compliment and for example, say he has a nice pair of sneakers and ask where he got them. Just a few nice sentences and you’ll start having fun.
• Ask open questions, so that there is not just a simple yes/no answer.
• Try to remember names and use them often in conversation. From a psychological point of view, we like to hear our name. On the other hand, if someone forgets it or twists it, we immediately like him less.
• Give the other person room to talk and don’t jump in. Take a genuine interest and listen.
• Don’t share too personal things right from the start. Details of a divorce, a fight with your parents, or any intimacies are not the right things to bring up in a first or second conversation.
• Don’t try to be perfect, but instead show your flaws and vulnerabilities. We naturally dislike people who are perfect and have no visible flaws. It’s just very hard to find our way to them.

You can find even more tips like this in the interesting book How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has been a bestseller for decades.

It’s time to ask him/her out of the mutual bubble

You already see each other at events, in hobby clubs or even on a course. But how to invite him or her somewhere so that it looks natural and you don’t feel silly? Try this:

• „I’d like some coffee. I know a great cafe around here. Don’t you want to go too?”
• „I would really like to see the movie XY, but none of my friends care much about this topic. Would you like to go?” (Ideally if it’s about your common theme.)
• „I planned to go to squash on the weekend, but a friend got sick and can’t go. Would you like to play?” (Choose a couple sport you know they play.)
• „I’m taking Thomas to the amusement park at the weekend, would you like to come with us? The boys could play.” (For moms with small children.)

If you are an introvert, this is a difficult task. We completely understand. But if you’re eager to make new friends, you need to meet new people and sometimes even start talking first.

You may feel like it’s really beyond you, and although you feel lonely, you feel anxious around people. Are you shaking your head? Then think about therapy with a professional.  Social anxiety is a topic that is difficult to tackle on your own. Anyone can make friends. So can you.

At Hedepy, we offer therapy online, comfortably from home. All you have to do is fill out the test, based on which we will recommend the three most suitable therapists. You don’t have to be alone.