Relationship crisis: How to know if it still makes sense?

Simply put, the crisis has come and you are wondering if there is still a point to it all. Should I keep trying, or is it just not possible to patch things up anymore? Let's see how mental health and relationship experts see it.

Crises are part of a long-term relationship

Right from the start, it should be said that crises are fine. Every long-term relationship experiences one at least once. According to the father of marriage counselors, MUDr. Miroslav Plzak, the crisis period comes most often after five years of the relationship, if it is stagnant without further development, and then after twenty years of the relationship, when the children leave the nest. Then there are acute crises, when, for example, infidelity occurs.

How you approach the crisis is crucial. You are here, and that means you do not want to turn a blind eye to your problems. That's a great start! A crisis can even make your relationship stronger. That is, if you both want to work on it together.

Start with honest communication

You already know you're going through a crisis. The next step is to talk openly with your partner about it. You may have tried, but your attempts have ended in more of an argument.

This is also normal. Talking about painful topics often opens up wounds from the past, and then it's hard to keep a calm head.

Come on, give it another chance. For communication that really goes somewhere, it's a good idea to stick to these principles.

Name the cause of your crisis

The first step in getting the conversation to go somewhere is to name the specific cause that caused your crisis. Try to focus on specific situations, emotions or behaviors that are causing tension in you. Get clear on what exactly is bothering you – Is it lack of time? Common interests? Differences in values? Or a loss of respect?

The goal is to avoid generic phrases like "You don't have enough time for me!" and instead say, for example, "Since you've been busy a lot lately, I feel like we're drifting apart." Naming the problem will help you both better understand what needs to be addressed.

Don't blame each other

Criticism and blame are the quickest way to an argument. So talk instead about how you feel in the situation and start with the word "I". For example, "I feel abandoned when you spend so much time at work." You are not attacking your partner, but sharing your own perspective.

Try to completely avoid sentences like "You never..." or "You always get it wrong." Such remarks put your partner on the defensive, and finding common ground is hard.

If you are on the opposite side and your partner blames you for everything, it's not a good sign. But it doesn't mean that something can't be done about it. Read our article How to recognize a toxic relationship.

Actively listen to each other

Active listening is not just about being quiet when the other person is talking. It is about truly understanding and trying to empathize with the other person. It means trying to understand not only the words but also the emotions that the other person is expressing.

It may help to paraphrase what the other person said. For example, "Do I understand correctly that you feel neglected when...?" or open-ended questions like, "What do you miss most about our relationship?" Active listening reinforces the feeling that you are both on the same page, and this is essential for successful crisis management.

Plan the right time and place

Time and place are crucial to success. Avoid dealing with complex issues when you are tired, stressed or in the midst of other responsibilities.

It is ideal to agree in advance on a specific time when you will both have space and privacy to fully focus on each other. For example, "Can we sit down and talk tonight?" This makes it clear that you care about the conversation and want it to be constructive.

Set a common goal

The goal of the conversation should not be "who is right" but to find a way to move forward. So, at the beginning of the conversation, define together what your goal is – for example, "I'd like to find a way to spend more quality time together" or "I want to understand what you're missing at home to make you feel better." This will avoid the discussion turning into endless blaming and defending. That would lead nowhere.

We can't reach an agreement. How do we know if it's still worth it?

If, despite your best efforts, you feel that you are each speaking a completely different language, this may indicate deeper problems. It's no wonder you're hesitant to continue the relationship. Our relationship and mental health experts advise asking yourself these five questions. They'll help you navigate and decide when to leave the relationship.

1. Do you still have respect and empathy for each other?

If you can't agree on anything but still feel mutual respect and a desire to understand each other, there is hope. Even if communication is problematic, respect for the other shows that the relationship is not lost.

2. Are your problems repeating or is it just a current tension?

It is common for a relationship to go through a rough period. Try to distinguish whether the problems are long-term and recurring, or whether they are a short-term reaction to stress or change (for example, the arrival of a baby). If conflicts are the result of one-off situations, it is possible to overcome them together.

3. Is there still will on both sides?

When one partner isn't interested in actively making an effort, it's really hard to get anywhere. It may hurt to admit it, but this lack of interest speaks volumes about how much the other party (doesn't) care about your relationship. The way out of a crisis has to come from both partners' internal conviction that they want to work on the relationship together.

4. Do you still feel comfortable in each other's presence?

You may have different views, opinions or bring home problems from work. But you should still feel safe in each other's presence, have pleasant moments and be yourself without fear.

5. Is there trust in the relationship?

Trust creates a safe environment. If it is not present in the relationship on one side, for example because of lies or infidelity, the relationship loses stability. Rebuilding trust IS possible, but it is a challenging journey that takes time, effort and, as always, above all, the willingness of both partners to work at it. The question is whether you are willing to make this effort or whether you feel that your trust is already lost forever.

Don't be on your own and let an expert help you

Even though your answers to some of the questions may have been negative, your willingness to work on the relationship is crucial. If it's up to both parties but you're not getting anywhere much on your own, don't be afraid to seek the help of a professional.

Couples therapy is a great way to better understand your conflicts, look at them from a distance and learn to manage them. The therapist will offer an independent perspective and help you overcome communication blocks.

At Hedepy, you can choose from several accredited couple psychotherapists and have your online session in just a few days.

Take a 5-minute matching test, based on which we will recommend the most suitable therapist for you.