Self-esteem

“But before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure you’re not surrounded by idiots.” (author unknown)

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence means being self-aware. Not only that I live (breathe, walk, work), but also who I am (what are my hobbies, what can spoil my mood, what is my talent). All this knowledge, which we gather about ourselves during our lives, then helps us to orient ourselves in it more easily, to build harmonious relationships and fundamentally contribute to the quality of our lives.

Where does self-esteem come from?

Self-esteem is shaped all your life, it has its dynamics. Its cornerstones are laid in early childhood, the first manifestations of the ego are often associated with defiance in the form of a vigorous “No!” The family and the immediate environment are key to the development of a healthy self-confident person. From them also stems the way in which a person copes with what has yet to be encountered in life. Unfortunately, not everyone grows up in a harmonious environment. So how do you help yourself obtain a healthy self-esteem?

How to gain confidence?

Having a lack of self-esteem right now doesn’t mean you can’t have enough in the foreseeable future, and it doesn’t mean you can’t immediately start working on it. You may often think of others, you may be trying to accommodate them, you may be accommodating, you may be working hard, or you may be trying to complete your education. But it is itching somewhere. You feel exploited in relationships, work is nice, but in addition to money, it also brings you loneliness, exhaustion, and studying as if it weren’t even for you. And maybe it is not. The first step to gaining confidence is to build a relationship with yourself. As you would do with a close person you love, you like to listen to, advise, support and help when needed.

How to start the change and increase your self-esteem?

You can start by setting aside an hour a day just for yourself. Become your priority and urgent duty. You can do anything, but you don’t have to do anything. Say all the questions that are in your head. The answers may come right away or they may take time. But both are fine. The important thing is that you have just started an inner dialogue. The ideal partner in this process is a psychotherapist. He or she will help you focus exactly on what is related to your self-esteem in your life, and at the same time he or she will be a kind guide to your self-esteem.

How does low self-esteem affect relationships?

Low self-esteem is often associated with impaired ability to perceive one’s boundaries. As a result, you let others cross them. The cause can also be subconscious fears, which carry with them the fear of rejection, if we stand against what our surroundings want from us. Here, too, psychotherapy is a welcomed help. Above all, psychodynamic directions willingly work with relationships. The therapist will be the one to set up a mirror for you, so you will be able to look behind the curtain and understand how your relationships actually work.

How can psychotherapy help me gain healthy self-esteem?

Just arranging an appointment and devoting time to yourself is the first step to self-esteem. This shows yourself that you are not on the sidelines and that you are important to yourself. Online psychotherapy can be a good choice for those who are struggling with shyness or are not sure if the therapy is for them. Connecting with an expert is fast and does not require travel. Psychotherapy will help you understand the connection between what bothers you in life and your self-confidence. At the same time, it allows you to get closer to yourself, to be rid of the expectations that you or your surroundings  have placed on you. This will unleash your potential.

Test yourself

Rosenberg’s self-esteem test uses a ten-item scale. Simply answering the ten questions will reveal your good and negative feelings about yourself.