Practical way to self-love: how to really love yourself

Your self-love is reflected in all your relationships

Even if you do it primarily for yourself, self-love will also help you to have healthier relationships – with your partner, family and friends. How?

• You will more easily receive love and support from others because you will believe you deserve it - just by being, not just when you are giving yourself away for others.
• You will be less dependent on the people around you. This will make your relationships healthier and more balanced. You will no longer expect others to always rescue or redeem you.
• You can set personal boundaries and those are very important for a healthy relationship. They will help you avoid frustration, abuse and communicate better.
• If you are kind and have understanding for yourself, you will find it easier for others. You will judge them less.

You're absolutely fine – even if someone told you otherwise

We have no problem with self-love as small children. It is only with life experience that our relationship with ourselves begins to suffer. Maybe someone once told you that you're a total sports antitalent. Maybe someone made fun of your hairstyle. Or maybe you grew up in a family where criticism was the only thing given out.

But you know, those negative comments often say a lot more about the person who said them than they do about you. We just accept them as the truth.

Try to think about where the negative beliefs you have about yourself came from. You'll probably find that they're not yours, but someone told them to you at some point. And that someone may not have been right at all. Either he was trying to bring you down to make himself feel better. Or maybe he thought the criticism would motivate you to perform better. Maybe it was your parents? These beliefs are not yours, and you can let them go. That's the first and very important step to self-acceptance.

So how do you start liking yourself?

Building self-love is a journey that takes time and patience. It leads through self-acceptance and goes hand in hand with building self-esteem. Ready to embark on that journey? First, let's take a look at the behavior patterns you need to start getting rid of.

Your self-esteem suffers from this

• You are putting the needs of others first – you are telling yourself that they are more important than yourself. But taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is a necessity.
• Talking negatively to yourself – How do you look today? You totally screwed that up! Are you saying something similar to yourself? That needs to change.
• You remain silent when you disagree with something – you are probably afraid of conflict or rejection. But your opinions and attitude are just as important as those of others.
• You're comparing yourself – to colleagues, to people on social media, maybe siblings. But we all have completely different strengths, and believe us, someone else looks up to you.
• In your childhood, you were held to very high standards by those around you – you never felt "enough" and you carry that belief with you.
• You didn't do well at school, so you don't believe in yourself – but your results don't determine your self-worth. There are plenty of successful and happy people who didn't graduate.

If you recognize yourself in these situations, it's time to start consciously changing them. How to do it?

This will boost self-love and self-confidence

Speak to yourself positively

If a friend failed an important test, what would you tell her? You'd probably reassure her and motivate her that she'll do it the second time around. You deserve the same kindness and support - try talking to yourself as if you were your own best friend. You can start slowly. Maybe by telling yourself in the mirror in the morning that you look good.

If the words don't come to you on their own, try repeating some of these phrases to yourself:

• I believe in myself and my abilities.
• I accept myself as I am.
• My opinions matter.
• I like myself more and more every day.
• I deserve love just by being me.

Focus on progress, not on being perfect

In the pursuit of perfection, we often fail to see how much progress we have already made. Try breaking your big goal into smaller parts. Reward yourself with something for each level you reach. Stop for a moment to enjoy the progress.

Realise what you are really good at

Are you a great cook? Do you play the piano? Do you run in the mountains? It's not like anyone can do it. We all have different talents and abilities, so there's no point in comparing. There will always be something you're good at or not good at. Focus on your strengths and develop them further.

Forgive yourself for past mistakes

What you failed to do in the past does not define who you are now. If you've learned from past mistakes, there's really no reason to keep blaming yourself for them and looking back. You're so much further along now.

Surround yourself with the right people

Maybe we should say rather don't surround yourself with people who don't support you. Some friendships can be toxic. Having your partner undermine your self-confidence can be a way of dangerous manipulation. Think about whether you have someone in your circle who is bringing you down.

(Psycho)therapy will guide you on the path to self-love

It can be really challenging to change your relationship with yourself and all the beliefs you've lived in for years. If you've decided to work on self-love, (psycho)therapy can be a big help.

A professional (psycho)therapist/psychologists will help you to recognize and gradually change your self-critical thought patterns, learn to be kind to yourself and realize your worth. In a safe and confidential environment. Fully online at Hedepy. Learn how online (psycho)therapy works. Soon things can start to change for the better.