Situationship: How to Recognize an Almost-Relationship – and When It’s Healthier to Let Go

What Is a Situationship and How Long Does It Last?

A situationship can last for months — even years. But the whole time, it stays somewhere between a relationship and casual dating. It has no clear definition, and it doesn’t really seem to be going anywhere. Often, it’s unbalanced: one person puts in a lot of energy, while the other is always “too busy,” short on time, and hesitant to express how they truly feel. Sure, it brings moments of joy into your life — but it also comes with a heavy dose of uncertainty.

Maybe they haven’t even introduced you to their friends or their family. And the thought of inviting them as your plus-one to a work party or a wedding? You hesitate. You assume it wouldn't work.

Situationship vs. Relationship: What’s the Difference?

The biggest difference between a situationship and a healthy relationship is (un)certainty. In a healthy relationship, you simply know you’re in one. You’ve openly talked about being together, you’re part of each other’s lives — you’ve met their friends and family, you spend quality time together, and you talk about the future. There are no games, no question marks. Your love feels balanced. You’re not just “someone to hang out with in the evening” or a “fun weekend getaway option.”

If you find yourself overthinking and going in circles about where you stand, check out our article on overthinking. It might just help you escape the trap of endless mental spirals.

TEST: How to Tell If You’re in a Situationship

You have a feeling that something’s off, but you’re not quite sure what. Maybe you’re in a situationship — or maybe you just need some honest communication. Take our quick test and find out where you really stand.

Situationship Test: Answer These Questions Honestly with YES or NO

1. You see each other randomly and not as often as you’d like.
2. You spend an amazing day or weekend together — but then they don’t reach out for a long time.
3. You haven’t had any real conversation about what you actually are.
4. You don’t acknowledge each other in public or use the word boyfriend/girlfriend.
5. You’ve been dating for several months, but you still haven’t met each other’s parents — or maybe not even close friends.
6. Talking about a shared future is kind of a taboo topic.
7. You’d love to take them to a party or a wedding — but it probably wouldn't work out.
8. Sex is a big — maybe the biggest — part of your relationship.
9. You feel uncertain and frustrated. You’d like to take the relationship to the next level, but you’re afraid to express your emotions and needs.
10. You tend to make excuses for them — they’re probably just busy, stressed, or maybe their dog is really demanding.

The more often you answered YES, the more likely it is that you’re in a situationship.
 According to research, nearly half of people aged 18–34 have experienced one — so you’re definitely not alone. Situationships and casual dating have become somewhat of a trend. But here’s the real question: what can you do to stop that uncertainty from getting under your skin?

6 Steps to Deal with a Situationship

A situationship isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, it works for both people involved. But if you’re longing for something more — and it just doesn’t feel right — it might be time to try turning it into a real, committed relationship. And if that’s not possible? Then it’s time to be radically honest with yourself. Let’s walk through six simple steps that can help you figure things out and find clarity.

1. Get clear on what you really want

Try to imagine your ideal relationship — the one where you’d feel truly happy. What exactly are you longing for? Commitment? Security? More attention? Or maybe just open, honest communication? The better you understand your own needs, the easier it will be to express them to the other person.

2. Have an Open and Honest Conversation

We know — it’s hard. But an honest conversation is the only way to find out whether you’re truly on the same page. You could try saying something like:
 “I really enjoy being with you, but I need to know where this is going.”
 “I care about you, but it hurts not knowing where I stand. How do you see this?”

What matters most is speaking calmly, without blame, and giving the other person space to respond. Be open about what’s missing for you in the relationship — and share what kind of change you need.

3. Pay Attention to Their Behavior

The real answers aren’t in their words — they’re in their actions. Do they say they love you, but never make future plans? Do they promise change, but still haven’t introduced you to their family? Maybe it’s time to stop wasting your energy on someone who prioritizes their comfort over your feelings. Don’t you think you deserve more than that?

4. Give the Relationship a Chance – But Set a Time Limit

If they say they need time, it’s fair to give it to them — but not forever. Set a realistic time frame in your mind (maybe a few weeks or a month) and use that time to see if the relationship is truly moving in the direction you both agreed on. Watch not just for promises, but for real progress.

5. Don’t Beg — and Don’t Settle for Less

A relationship should be a mutual decision — not something you have to fight for. You deserve someone who truly wants you — not just when it’s convenient for them. Don’t start putting in more effort than before just to keep things going. Let them take the next step and simply observe what happens.

You might find our article on practical steps toward self-love helpful. Because self-love shapes all our relationships — and defines what we’re willing to accept.

6. If It’s Going Nowhere, Find the Strength to Walk Away

Has your time limit passed and nothing has changed? Then it’s time to ask yourself whether this is the kind of relationship you truly want to stay in. We know how hard it is to walk away from someone you care about. But in the long run, choosing yourself will save you a lot of heartache. And who knows — you might finally create space for someone who wants you just as much as you want them.

If you find it hard to walk away from a situationship, it might be worth exploring why. Maybe it’s the fear of being alone. Maybe it’s about self-love. Understanding the real reason behind your hesitation — and working through it — is something therapy can truly help with.

And if you’re wondering what a healthy, lasting relationship actually looks like, check out our article on the 5 rules of a thriving relationship. This is what psychologists say makes love work in the long run.

It’s Time to End the Situationship – How to Do It with Clarity and Care

You’ve realized that you deserve more  and the time has come. But now what? First of all, be kind to yourself. We know it hurts, but you’ve made the right decision. A brave and important one. Here are a few gentle tips to help you end the situationship with clarity and care:

1. Prepare Yourself for the Conversation

It may not have been a relationship in the traditional sense but ending it still hurts. That’s why it’s helpful to get clear on what you want to say beforehand. Having your thoughts sorted out will also make it easier to stay grounded and not back out when the moment comes.

2. If possible, it's fair to end it face to face

Even if they didn’t treat you perfectly, they still deserve a face-to-face goodbye. Choose a calm, quiet place where you feel safe and won’t be interrupted. Creating the right environment can make a difficult conversation a little bit easier for both of you.

3. Be Honest, But Don’t Attack

Instead of placing blame, try using “I” statements:
 “I care about you, but this is hurting me, and I can’t continue like this.”
 “It’s bothering me that we’re not moving forward. I need something different.”

The key is not to get pulled into an endless discussion or defense of why you can’t see each other anymore. Keep it clear and respectful.

4. Prepare Yourself for an Uncomfortable Reaction

They might agree. They might try to convince you that they’ll change. They might react coldly or, on the other hand, resort to emotional manipulation. Whatever happens, stay firm in your decision and don’t let them sway you. If you’ve decided to walk away, it means you have a good reason.

5. Set Clear Boundaries and Cut Off Contact

Staying in contact will only prolong your pain. Be clear that this is the end and you need to disconnect. If they reach out, try not to respond at all. If they try to stay in your life, set a firm boundary on your contact.

6. Give Yourself Space for Emotions

Ending any relationship hurts. It wasn’t “just something”— from your side, it was a connection where you invested feelings, time, and hope. Allow yourself time to grieve. Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people who can make you laugh. You probably had that one friend who “told you so.” They’ll be there to support you now.

7. Remind Yourself Why You Left

When doubts creep in, remind yourself of the reasons why you decided to leave. Write them down if you need to. You deserve a relationship where you feel loved. And even though it might seem impossible right now, one day you’ll thank yourself for making this decision. The right relationship is still waiting for you!

Situationship is a great topic for therapy

Sometimes it helps to get an unbiased perspective from someone else. A therapist can also help uncover hidden patterns or figure out why you keep getting into situationships. You may discover that certain relationship patterns keep repeating. And, hopefully, next time you’ll be able to recognize a relationship where you’ll truly be happy.

At Hedepy, among our certified therapists, you’ll definitely find the right one for you. To make it easier, we’ll recommend the most suitable therapist based on a quick 5-minute quiz. Your first session could be just a few days away.