9 Steps to Boost Your Self-Confidence and Finally Believe in Yourself

The Consequences of Low Self-Esteem Are Greater Than You Think

Sometimes, it seems harmless. Like when you convince yourself not to return a wrong order at a restaurant—it’s not that bad, right? But the next day, that same voice tells you you’re not good enough for a new job or that you don’t deserve a healthy relationship.

It’s exhausting—and it can lead to serious mental health issues. Studies show that people with low self-esteem are twice as likely to develop anxiety and six times more likely to experience depression! Low confidence also makes us more susceptible to manipulation.

Knowing Your Self-Worth Isn’t Selfish

People with low self-worth often go out of their way to please others. They crave approval because they struggle to give it to themselves. Ever heard of people-pleasing?

This can make confidence seem like arrogance – but there’s a big difference. Arrogance means looking down on others. Confidence means not placing yourself below them. It’s about recognizing your own worth and not letting others walk all over you. You can still be kind – just to the people who truly value your kindness. THAT is confidence.

You’d Be Surprised How Many People Struggle with Confidence. But Why?

Many people with low self-esteem hide it well. Some even overcompensate by being the loudest in the room. On the outside, you’d never guess – but studies estimate that 85% of people worldwide struggle with low self-esteem.

Why is that number so high? Our confidence is shaped by both our personality and our environment – upbringing, society, negative experiences. Maybe you were taught that your worth is tied to achievements. Maybe you were constantly compared to your older sibling. Or maybe you compare yourself to others on social media, where everyone looks like they walked off a magazine cover. Today's demands on appearance are unrealistic to say the least. No wonder so many of us struggle with self-confidence.

Self-Confidence Test: Check Where You Stand

We all have bad days – days when nothing fits or goes right. But chronically low self-esteem starts when that “bad day” never ends, and the critical voice in your head won’t shut up.

Take this short test to see if low self-confidence is holding you back.

Self-Confidence Test: Answer honestly YES or NO

1. I often want to speak up but stay silent, afraid of embarrassing myself.
2. I find it hard to accept compliments. Instead of saying thank you, I downplay it – this old shirt? I’ve had it for years.
3. When I’m around people, I feel like they’re watching and judging me.
4. If someone doesn’t reply to my message quickly, I start worrying I did something wrong.
5. I’d rather eat the wrong order at a restaurant than send it back.
6. I often envy others for being more attractive, successful, or talented.
7. If people whisper in a group, I assume they’re talking about me.
8. Before a meeting or presentation, I replay in my head how I’ll mess up.
9. When I accomplish something, I downplay it because I don’t want to seem arrogant.
10. I apologize constantly – even for small things.

The more YES answers you have, the weaker your self-confidence. Ready to change that? Let’s look at practical steps you can take right now.

9 Practical Steps to Boost Your Self-Confidence

Ready for a change? Healthy self-confidence means a calmer and more fulfilling life and healthier relationships. You will no longer miss great opportunities and start fulfilling your needs and dreams. These 9 steps are recommended by our psychotherapists.

1. Accept That Perfection Doesn’t Exist

What’s considered “ideal” today might be outdated tomorrow. Perfection is subjective – you’ll never please everyone. Instead, focus on pleasing yourself. This naturally attracts the right people into your life.

Mistakes aren’t failures. They’re part of life and growth. Try to stop comparing yourself to others and let go of the pressure to be perfect.

Perfectionism is closely related to self-esteem and here you can read tips on how to get rid of it.

2. Recognize Your Self-Worth

Your value isn’t something you have to earn. You already have it – just by existing. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We're all equal. And no one, absolutely no one, is perfect.

Do you know who you will spend every second of your life with until you die? That's right, with yourself. So try talking to yourself as your best friend. Because that's exactly who you should be.

3. Practice Self-Love

We all have flaws. Self-love is not about perfection, it's about loving yourself even with them.

Would you tell your friend she looks terrible and has never accomplished anything? Probably not. Then why would you tell yourself that? Speak kindly to yourself even when you don't feel good. Instead of "That interview was terrible, I embarrassed myself!" try "Yeah, it was awkward and I probably didn't do a good job, but I'm brave for going for it!"

And don't forget to take care of yourself. Fulfill your needs. Treat yourself to a bubble bath and snuggle up with a good movie when you're having a crappy day. Because when you allow yourself to take care of yourself and feel better, you'll boost your self-esteem. Here are more tips on how to build self-love.

4. Realize That No One Cares as Much as You Think

Can you remember the last time someone else did something embarrassing? That's right. People are too wrapped up in their own problems to analyze your every word. They don't even notice your mistakes 99% of the time, and if they do, they quickly forget. That truth may be a little uncomfortable, but it's actually quite liberating, don't you think?

If you think endlessly about your every move and the exhausting thoughts can't be stopped, check out our tips on how to fight overthinking.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

Instead of always perfectly looking celebrities serving you a retouched reality, watch content that supports you in your efforts. Laugh on Instagram with Celeste Barber or get inspired to love yourself with Spencer Barbosa.

Music also has great power. For example, put on a motivating playlist in your headphones whenever you need a daily boost of confidence. You can mix your own. The queens of self-love are Lizzo, Dua Lipa, Beyoncé, Demi Lovato and Nicki Minaj  – they'll teach you to hold your head high!

6. List Things You Like About Yourself

You can't think of anything? Try it anyway. Really. It could be the little things: I like being nice to other people. I like my hair. I'm good at drawing. Think of at least 5 things, put the list on a bulletin board and try to expand it.

It is important to focus on your successes, not your failures. I'm sure you have plenty of successes, try looking for a while. Just the fact that you're reading this now is a huge accomplishment. Because wanting to work on yourself is not a given.

7. The Next Time You Get a Compliment, Take It

"Gee, you look good!" "Oh please, I haven't even washed my hair..." Sound familiar? Next time, just try smiling and saying thank you. No "buts", no crashing. Accept the compliment as fact. Yes, I do look good. Yes, I really did it.

8. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone – One Small Step at a Time

Set small goals that will push you outside your comfort zone. Overcoming them will give you courage and boost your confidence. Reach out to a stranger. Compliment someone. Try a new hobby. Be the first to write to someone you like. And if you get rejected? Never mind! Remind yourself that not every person on the planet likes you either  – rejection says nothing about you.

Praise yourself for your courage, laugh at the experience and you'll walk away a little stronger than before. If the prospect of reaching out to a stranger seems like a horror to you, our article on social anxiety will help.

9. Accept That Progress Isn’t Linear. Accept the Bad Days Too

It doesn't matter at all if you hesitate and doubts come back like a boomerang. It's perfectly normal – you haven't failed. Building confidence is a process. Sometimes you take a step back, sometimes you take two steps forward. Whenever the crashing thoughts come, stop. Is this really the tone I want to use with myself? Would you say that to your friend? Remember what you're trying to do, take a breath, straighten your back... and move on calmly.

How to Appear Confident to Those Around You?

You’ve probably heard the famous saying, "Fake it till you make it." It means that if you act confident, you’ll eventually start feeling that way, too. Adopting these simple habits will not only make you seem more self-assured but also help you truly believe in yourself.

• Learn to laugh at yourself. Don't put yourself down, but if you do something embarrassing, smile and make fun of it. It is more likely to make others feel embarrassed that you are showing how embarrassed you feel.
• Face the rejection head on. Don't hide, but make it clear that you're totally okay with it. You will appear poised and confident to others.
• Work on a confident posture and body language. Straighten your back, lift your head and maintain eye contact. Speak calmly and clearly. Open body language not only makes you feel confident, it helps you feel confident.
• Don't apologize for every little thing. Apologise when it's appropriate – not for "being a nuisance" or "you must have asked the wrong question". Save yourself the unnecessary apologies and instead of "Sorry to interrupt" try "I have a question, may I?"
• Work on the urge to keep adjusting. Playing with your sleeves, smoothing your hair, tugging at your shirt? Constant grooming makes you feel nervous and insecure.
• Don't try to please at all costs. Confident people don't say "yes" when they mean "no". Don't be afraid to voice your opinion, set boundaries and be authentic.
• Try to stay calm even in uncertain situations. Not sure what to say? No need to panic. Just admit you don't know something or take a moment to think about it. "That's a good question, I'll think about it" works better than an uncertain mumble.
• Don't wait for the perfect moment. Self-confident people know that perfection does not exist. They'll put themselves forward to speak, even if they don't have the perfect answer. Try it sometime too!

Therapy Can Help You Build Confidence

Low self-esteem is often rooted in the past, and today's times are not conducive to it either (just open social networks). A therapist can help you discover the cause and gradually change all those beliefs that make you slouch and find it hard to breathe. Most importantly, a therapist will support you in building your new, more confident self – so you don't just give up.

In Hedepy, among our verified psychotherapists, you are sure to find the right one. To make it easier for you, we will recommend the most suitable therapist based on a 5-minute test. You can have your first session in just a few days.